#A2ZChallenge April 03: B is for “Bais”

Dear Bai* Coalition of Bangalore (*also referred to as maids in ancient Vedic texts)

I have never seen you guys (or is it you “bai”s) feted for their cutting edge innovation and constant evolution. Most b-schools got nothing on you. To up my writing game, I want to highlight your numerous scientific (and sometimes highly esoteric) contributions to the world. Here is the list:

1. The hand pocha vs the mop

Thanks to you, the hand pocha is now to cleaning what a Nokia 3550 is to smart phones. This old technology has been completely obliterated. No one buys a hand pocha anymore unless they want to use those as earthy FabIndia scarves. Most early innovations began when one of you said that the pocha is not good for the back – your back specifically. After that revolution, thankfully, our houses were all rid of the said hand pocha and now we have only 3600 types of mop heads, replacement heads, buckets, self-cleaning buckets and the occasional Snow White dwarf who show up to clean our floors. The 1960s generation still wants the hand pocha, but what do they know.

2. Fusion-food

I know of two reported cases (as I was an eye witness account) of haldi pasta and a chicken sambhar. I want to say the chicken sambhar was horrible. The chicken sambar was horrible. But I am no gourmand. There are chances that that very chicken sambhar configuration is showing up in some all-star chef rating somewhere because of you guys. When asked to make chicken and vegetables for dinner, one of your enterprises brethren, or “sisteren”, in a moment of inspiration whipped them all up together. The less imaginative ones of us will be blind to this brilliance. Let no one blame it on your lazy-assness. That would be wholly incorrect and inappropriate.

3. Upskilling

Globally, companies get all tied up about upskilling talent, finding new opportunities for those looking for growth, creating learning paths for new and old talent alike. If I could just point them in your direction. I have not ever met a cleaner who did not become a chef inside of two days, and whose brother-in-law did not metamorphose into a highly experienced driver overnight. I have not met a single chef who did not say “I know everything in God’s name that can be cooked, but you have to show me your house’s customizations”, and who then did not say to my neighbour that “I actually love children more than cooking so I am happy to do the nanny shift in your house.” Look at this free flow of opportunity meets skill meets luck meets “bakra”. This is mobility of labor turned on its head, and all thanks to the sisterhood for that.

I could go on, but I will need a bigger lab and some funding to fully exposit the numerous contributions of Bangalore Bais to our volatile, uncertain, chaotic and anarchic world.



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